Pity the Fool

Crazyfool discusses tasks, how to get the coal, and how to get a 20k set every time, without kit.

11th July 2000

Hello fools and welcome to yet another injection of your second favourite column, Pity the Fool! It's been a hectic couple of weeks for me and other mortals. For anyone who's been on holiday in Budapest, here's a round-up of events which I can remember.

As many of you have heard, I managed to lose two 130k mages in two consecutive sets. This wasn't my best day on MUD and almost caused me to quit but after thinking hard and losing about five sorcs this week I decided to stay! But, I hear you interrupt, who could have caused Crazyfool, the sexiest mortal in the land, to die? Well, you may not think it but the person who murdered my mages was.... SYL! Thats right, spiky Syl, bitter after I tried to pull his girlfriend, decided enough was enough and struck with lightning speed and skill and managed to cost me serious points. Beware mortals: Syl may look incompetent but really he is a dangerous pking force who must be stopped or next time, it might be you!

Anyway, enough about me. Contary to popular belief other people do actually play MUD2. Firefarter continues to astound me with his sharp humour and speed at getting items that he will probably lose or swamp. One time we were talking at the hut when suddenly he ran through The Land, picked up a para and went after the coracle. Explanation? He uses macros. Let's mock his modern ways and efficient techniques!

Love in MUD? It's all around us and I to have been bitten my the bug. It bloody hurt! Little b*stard bit me right on the nose. Sorry. Yes, everywhere you look couples are getting together. Cora and Maniac, Serenety and myself and of course Snypster and Eric, lovers! By the way, mine and Serenety's wedding will happen as soon as I can be bothered to find a wiz... excuse me a minute... Yeah? What is it Seren?.... Yes, I've taken the trash out! I'll fix the shelves tommorow!.... sorry. Women eh?

Meet fever has again hit MUD with many victims already coming down with the syndrome. The cure? To go to Bristol in September and meet fellow MUD players. Warning, last time Maniac and Syl got too drunk. Don't be like them. Drink soft drinks like me!

Why did Firefarter cross the road?
He pressed F6 by mistake.

If I could be serious for a moment..... I might have got that job I wanted!!!! No, I'd like to thank Zordell and Serenety for putting up with my immature ways and short fuse. Sometimes I get angry, and I usually blame the wrong people. But I hate that damn ram! Stupid animal!

I hear on the grapevine that Brocken has tried to quit Mud. He is a fool; soon he will come begging back. Begging I tells ya! I tried to quit.... but he's in my head! Bartle came for me... he makes me play.......... I dont want to..... he... I...... Agggghhhh!

...all over the seat. Now after the appalling response to my request for you people to send ideas in (I received none) I'm going to ask again! Please email me at mankoid@btinternet.com. Now! I dont get much mail!

Anyway, that's it. Good luck everyone and remember....... I'm watching you.

24th June 2000

Well, it seems the best things come in twos. Eyes, breasts and Daphne and Celeste to name but a few and this week the world of MUD has seen two more new wizzes. The infamous Sepultura who will be remembered fondly by the mortals and the little-known Reverence who seemed to come from nowhere and make wiz over night, literally. Well, are the floodgates still open as Richard says? With Firefarter assuring me and other mortals he will be next, is there any doubt a player of his standard could fail to
make wiz by the end of 2000? Now, where have I heard that before? Actually, he's dead.

In true Arnie style he's back. Like a crazy Trojan, Benny scuttled back into MUD like the rat he is and has claimed to me in confidance "Ive always wanted to be Wiz 30 and I think I can do it! Now, Trance....." Will Benny beat the superior Firefarter to the conveted title of wiz or will an unknown player beat them both? Well, who else is there? After reading Eric's definitive list of the next few wizzes it seems Eric knows the next wizzes before the players themselves. A lot of mortals seem to be strong believers in predestination. The future is what we make it, not what you decide! It also isnt about popularity because Reverence regularly stole and killed on his wizrun (no offence mate...) while the people who are kind tend to be ignored. Mortal society has changed a great deal since 'my day' but it isn't the socializers that decide the next wizzes, its the wiz runners themselves...


I always have a window seat, I can't keep getting up because people want to be getting in and out, I have too much to do. I always have a window seat!

Excuse me sir, do you mind?

No, please be my guest, I actually prefer an aisle seat.

I trust this is will be the last of the converastions on this trip! Be careful with that luggage!

Excuse me sir could you put down your tray table for take off ?

No! The tray table stays down please, thank you very much. You've made things inconvenient enough as it is!.. What is this? Do you mind???

My briefcase...let me help you with that.


Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! It's interesting how the people who are actually playing are usually ignored. There's someone else playing trying to get points while you Tea Room people sit there deciding who will be the next wiz! It really gets on my nipples! One must learn to grit ones teeth however and put on a smile! After Joey's acscenion to wizdom it seems he has found particular pleasure in prefixing the mortals who gave him the most grief. Luckily I caught Firefarter at the airport and after tearing up his one-way ticket to Istanbul, I persuaded him to stay. No-one is safe, however. Joey has the power and no-one can stop him! Firefarter and I have found like-minded people but we desperately need weapons and........... get off me Joey... get off!!!

Hello. I am Crazyfool..... I write this column. Erm... Joey is my best friend and he is far better than me. Mankoid is... I mean.... I am a fool. When Joey made wiz I was very Jealous and...... get off Mank!!!!

Sorry about that. He will sleep for sometime. I wonder what we will get up to in that time. Well if you see Joey limping (more so) when you next see him don't worry, he got what he was looking for!

Till next time!

17th June 2000

I'm ashamed. I'm not afraid to admit defeat. My name is Crazyfool and I am an alcohli..... sorry... mud addict. Yes, I'm back and I thought I'd continue to write for my favourite editor... Eric ... (Wdi). Anyway, enough of my usual waffle and as they say in the wiz room... on with the column!

Well, I am pushed for things not to write about! I leave for a bit and wiz fever hits us all again. I'm still taking honey and lemon after the last epidemic. Well, Joey found his cure a week ago and made Wiz finally like the dog he is! But a lucky dog. Like the dog in Beethoven. I loved that movie! That stupid guy trying to get rid of him.... <cough>. Anyway, me and Joey have both been playing together a long time. The Land wont be the same without him and Firefarter argueing about macros and lit brands. Good luck Joey and hope to see you messing up Wdi's sets real soon! Well, "who next?" Luckily for all you gambling addicts out there I have reopened Manky Bookies. Yes! You to can bet on who YOU think will be the next wiz! Here are the nominees!

Mankoid - Go ahead! Throw away your bet!
Sammy (Favourite)

Come on. This is not a joke. Email me at mankoid@btinternet.com and place your bets. Simply tell me who you think will make it next. If you are correct not only do you gain the respect of your fellow mortals but you also win fifty points!! Repeat! This is not a joke! Only one vote per player please!

Eric's site has taken off like a badly animated Japanese cartoon and it seems his most popular feature is his interview section. A note about my own interview. Many of you were shocked by Wdi's quote "Sport's for gays". Well, I'm afraid I duped you all and it was in fact taken out of context. Wdi has recently taken a part-time job as a sports commentator for Poulton Town FC! What he
actually said was "... final score was Poulton Town 2, Blackpool Sports 4. Gazing across the field we......."

She's made it! My favourite girl Serenety has made Matriarch under one of her swarm of personas! Lets hope she doesn't try and do the dragon again! Reverence is working harder than a prisoner of war but it seems his efforts just aren't getting his anywhere! Bit like having your arm caught in the motor of a combine harvester. Come on Reverence. Remeber what Rocky says... "Adrian!". Just think of that when your on 200k and it will all seem clear like a cup of brain fluid. Wdi's wizrun seems to be going badly. His sets seems to be falling apart like a Chinese motorcycle. If it isn't apes it's the big mean Reverence who stops him. Dont worry Wdi. Remember the ancient proverb: "The bigger they come, the more you get wet."

Well that's about it. Before I go and send some new Macros to Firefarter, I have had an idea to make my column more open. If some of you could send in quotes or jokes and I will include them.* Send them to my usual email address!

Till next time.
Take care of yourselves!
And your personas!


* Jokes must be legal, suitable and not include references to my hair, nails** or general disposition.

** Spaces are running out for nail painting at the next Mudmeet. Already I am painting Zordell's and Elizabeth's. If you would like to participate, send an email to the usual address.

24th May 2000

Hey guys and gals and welcome to the final ejaculation of my column. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Some special mentions to begin. I have decided to branch into board games with my business partner. Now, from MB (Mank and Bartle) games comes a follow up to Go for Broke called Go for Brocken! The aim of the game is to lose as many points as you can in one turn. The "winner" is sent to draggy isle armed only with a brand and the crocus!

I warned you! Didn't I warn you about Tom's Genocide?? But some of you wouldnt listen and still participated in his "draggy bash". Well you paid the price. I haven't yet seen the obit but if it is anything like the last one it's going to be bigger than Benny's ego!

Firefarter is no more. Reports are sketchy like my attempts at drawing but he seems to have taken the name Dclxvi instead which in my opinion is a far superior and less offensive name :).

Wdi is dead again. I dont need to play to know that, it's obvious anyway. The fact he died to an ape isn't humiliating in any way!

Exam season has crept up on us like a giant dung beatle and many mudders are missing vital revision to play the game. You don't have to quit for good like me but in my opinion at least take a week off if not two. Sorry, but you only get one chance.

I would like to thank everyone for supporting my column in the past and speical thanks to Wdi for allowing this tripe to be on the internet when most reputable sites would have said no like girls say no to me! I'm sorry I have to go but ive played too long and it's time to say goodbye to the past and move into the darkness of the future. I hope you all achieve what you hope and all find love and hapiness. Just remember, you will never be rid of the Mank! Please stay in contact with me and I'll hopefully see a lot of you at the next meet!

"I've felt the hate rise up in me / Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves / I wander out where you can't see / Inside my shell I wait and bleed...." - Slipknot

And a quick message to my favourite girl Serenety!!

"She shines in world full of ugliness, she matters when everything is meaningless." - Nine Inch Nails.


Good luck,



10th May 2000

I thought I would have nothing to write for my next column but a man called insanity changed all that. He lives in my head!

After Seamus posted a message about no-one going for wiz it as if there's a time limit. Firstly Fruitbat, then Tweety and even Wdi decided to go for it. However, for two of them the bell tolled and only Fruitbat made Wiz. I wasnt there due to my visit to Japan to finalise my music contract but reportedly poor Wdi gave his life to aid Fruitbat's cause..... well of course he meant to do it.... what do you mean he didnt? Oh dear. Well only needing 2.5k for wiz, the logical thing to do is attack a fellow mage :). We have our number 26 but will Wdi... so angry and bitter about his death come back and make wiz before this column is published? Or will he massarcre helpless badgers for sport? I just dont know... do you?

Firefarter is back! In dont care what any of you liars say, I saw him and he hasfinally got back to mage. Things seem to be looking up for the loveable fool... will he make Level 11? Or will he try and FOD Joey for fun? Actually, he's dead.

Speaking of Joey.... after losing 30k to the Dragon Joey decided in a rather unorthodox way to try and FOD it. Well, unfortunatley for you, Eric, it failed! You dont know this but Eric runs a high class escort ageny and Joey was one of his best clients. Not anymore!

It seems that the delectable Fleet reads my column. She's soo great aint she?... <cough> Yes, well, even Fleet has been caught up in Wizrun fever <if you actually have this take lots of rest and drink lots of Honey and Lemon> and hopes to make Witch before 1998. I wish her lots of luck and if you want my number? :)

Just when you thought it was safe to kill the Dragon the safe way again, Tom has come back. He's out of prison and back on the streets. After the "Dragon Bash" (genocide) he organised last time he seems determined to do it again! Be warned! Tom is armed and dangerous!... no... Tom get out! I didnt touch her!! It was Eric!!! NOOOOOOO!

..... William Hague? ..... Ahh. I'm back. Sorry.. had to sort out some unfinished business. Anyway... only God (Richard) knows what will happen in the next week. Probably nothing. Anyway... I'm sorry about breaking my promise and not including Benny's guide to trendy language last week. So here it is now...... no, I didnt write it... <cough>

"Check it" - referring to one of your social group to obeserve something else. Usually something about another group you find amusing.
"Check out the chassis on that" - pointing out a part of the opposite sex you find attractive.
"She's fine" - she is sexually attractive.
"Innit" - agreeing with someone elses obersvation. Usually used in conjunction with "Check it".
"Gay" - Many meanings. In this context it refers to somone elses culture you find alien and therefore do not understand, e.g. chains, nailvarnish on men.......

Anyway, I've moaned enough.


3rd May 2000

This edition of my column is dedicated to the mass exodus which we called "The Mudmeet" but I prefered to call "The Internet Meet where players of the Wireplay version and Internet version of Multi User Dungeon Two gathered to share a 'few' drinks".

Well I was the first to the pub at the time of 12:00, which was a damned 2hrs earlier. Anyway,what could I do but purchase a sweet tasting beer? About half an hour later a tall, attractive dark-haired woman strutted in and I thought "Karya." Anyway, she was accompanied my some others and so I investigated subtly which conveniently involved another visit to the bar. All the members of the motley crew were giving me funny looks so I said "What the hell?" and went over there and asked who they were. After some quick introductions the meet began. To all slow people they actually DID turn out to be mudders :)

Our gang consisted of the great Foddy, melancholy Karya, Poledra (Pol to her friends), Marlight, the ever lovely Ciara and the even more lovely Tom. We weren't alone for long however and soon Serenety and Seamus arrived with a friend and a sheep. Anyone not at the meet better not ask because I did and I'm still recovering. Anyway, they left to find lodgings for then night but had to settle for stable... Soon Cat, Umbrarg and "da man" himself Dr Richard Bartle (Dr Richard Bartle to his friends) all arrived. By now the Mudmeet was in full swing and due to excessive drinking I lost track of all newcomers. Soon Thwomp arrived and we chatted about the past and the time he attacked me doing the dwarfs. Dont worry! He payed for it by giving me more alcohol. Mmmm. Anyway, soon everyone was talking and taking pictures and I was sitting alone when suddenly Richard came to my table and spoke about MUD and gave me some advice. This was very helpful as far as I can remember. After this I saw Rosie, Crowley, Fruitbat, Carrott, Azzuri, Gandalf, Kooky, Zordell, Cloud, Octane, Gutbucket, Benny, Boggy, Antman, Maniac, Jincks Syl and supposedly
Marmite but I didn't see him.

Before I fell asleep I got some quotes from people about the game. Karya said she read my column....<cough>. Richard said "Mankoid likes Beer and beer likes Mankoid" and then he started moving my pint around. Worrying. Here are some thank yous from me:

Richard - for the map and advice :)
Foddy - for the 2 pints
Karya - 2 more pints :)
Thwomp - 1 pint.
Kooky - for asking me if I was alright and commenting on my nails :)
Gandalf - He was worried about me...so was I!
Zordell - erm.. best not to mention Sickgoaty!
Jincks - for being great and organising the meet and the meat.

Highlights: Maniac getting plastered again, Mankoid being sober and impressing everyone with his dry wit, the bar, Carrott sitting on his own for longer than me not knowing that we were all mudders and Jincks arriving late due to getting stuck in traffic which was Fruitbat's fault! Men! A good meet for all!

By the way, I lost the following at the meet:

  • Pen (blue)
  • Notebook
  • Signed map
  • Respect
  • Dignity

13th April 2000

Well firstly apologies to you all for not excreting my column last week, was a very busy week and this week I'm not going to be on much due to my thespian career continueing with a production of Grease (not the porn version). Anyway, lots to say and little time or effort left.

Apkjustice's reign of terror is over! Our favourite friend shot his load when the tiger ripped him to shreads like Wdi rips up back issues of Rocko's column. Soon came the predictable, Joey-copyrighted shouts of "Wiz interence". After about an hour of this, Joey was promptly asked to leave and banned for a short time. Luckily, he came back a few days later and died to the Banshee.

Goblins have had a good couple of weeks. I do believe that a majority of them are taking steroids with the amount of people getting culled by them. As far as I can remember (Alcohol clouds the memory, Alcohol clouds the memory, Alcohol clouds the memory..............soo cold) Firefarter and many other sorcs died trying to kill them. Well, here is a statement released by the
Goblin chief: "We accept no responsibility for loss of life in our realm. Firefarter comes in and eats our cabbage, steals our weapons and rapes our women. This time he died the way of all fools! Now,where's my beef!?"

Speaking of fools, I also fell in combat on the last bash. Having killed about 40 mobiles I decided to accept Wonderers earlier dare to attack him and so we dueled. Unfortunately,those hard of hearing Knights attacked and I died a bloody death after lagging on a command. Oh well. They will get theirs! :)

Sorry. Now, my favourite girl deserves a mention. Firstly, Elizabeth made Warlock again and secondly Serenety was the victim of a mortal fod from a fellow sorc, supposedly Gowron. At first, I was mortified but just as Gowron was about consider the concept of tasting his arm pit whenever he ate, Serenety mentioned she had actually volunteered for it.

A new house has been formed to rival the ever popular Knights. "Louts" seems to operate on the same "mass attack" system of Knights but aims its attacks at apks. We shall see what happens but a war seems dangerously close.

Now, while I remember: All of you attending the Birmingham mudmeet, I would like some quotes from you while there to put in my "meet special addition" of "Pity the Fool"!


"On my left side is Foddy and my right is...." - Dr Richard Bartle.
"I hate kids" - Serenety
"I...love you all soo much....beautiful...." - Maniac, Foz and myself.

Now, while speaking to my good friend Benny, I decided to interview the next possible Wiz and see what makes him tick.


Crazyfool: Still like Trance?
Benny: Of course. Trance is the music of the soul. You still wear chains and nail-varnish?
Crazyfool: Touché. What was it like being a mage in the limelight?
Benny: It was fun and of course exciting yet difficult with the constant mass attacks and pressure from fellow mortals.
Crazyfool: Do you plan to make wiz?
Benny: Not at the moment.
Crazyfool: In your opinion, how was Mud changed since our day?
Benny: Mud is a lot different now. In our day, kit was unessential and Pks weren't as many in number. We used to score more and it was generally a lot easier. Now, there are more pks and it is not as fun because it is difficult to tell whether someone is a pk because they may have a lot of personas.
Crazyfool: Who has been your greatest help?
Benny: Dunbad, Skuck, Vulnax, Jincks, Tom, Crowley, Smokey and your good self.
Crazyfool: Thanks. Who is your favourite wiz?
Benny: Boggy because he has been a lot of help to me.
Crazyfool: What is your favourite kit item?
Benny: Key[x]. What's yours Mank?
Crazyfool: I ask the questions! What is your most done Task?
Benny: Crown.
Crazyfool: Thank you Benny. Good luck!
Benny: Cheers Mank!

Next week, Benny's guide to Trendy language. Now, like a stray frisby, Alpha has come from nowhere. He gets straight to Mage and there seems to be no stopping him... and he's having a barbeque. Let's go!.. come on Alpha.. Ok.. I'll have my own Barbeque.!

28th March 2000

A rather quiet week in retrospect and personally a rather bad week. Apk clans for a long time have been a lot weaker than the pkers but last week they got a large boost with the arrival of a new persona, aptly called Apkjustice. Don't let his name fool you, he really is a pk who attacks other pks in groups. Already Bennytwo and Coolio have fallen to his wrath. Let's hope he doesn't moan when the pks gang attack him. To be honest "I pity tha fool that dont pk".

Now due to the poor timing to my last article Moon's death was an afternote. Moon took on ape9 in combat in which the ape got the better of the 170k mage. With one hit Moon fell to hell with a thump and to make matters worse, he lost Benny to the tiger later on. That's Benny's -235k day avaible now from Mank Videos priced £12.99. Also included is "The Snypster Cannabis Debate" and "The bash when Joey was king" (18).

Firefarter has reportedly been up to his old tricks when he killed Snypster the Necromancer through a mortal fod. It seems that the once permanent highlife may have fallen from grace, but will he return? Does Moon like mooning? Is Maniac a maniac? Am I a fool? Questions asked for years but never answered.

Brocken's back! I tell no lies. I sighted him the the tea room after supposedly leaving but he soon came crawling back to Bartle's knees. Spartan and Sin had a good set when they killed ace pk Moneypenny getting themselves a nice 8.5k each. Good Work boys! ....Oh...hi Benny...what do you want?...... no.... put the gun down... she's not worth it.... no... not Trance.. no........ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

...dribbled all down my knees. Sorry. I'm back. Here's me top five for da week:

1. Sin - killing evil pkers!
4. Apkjustice - doing the same but with a gang.
3. Crazyfool - I write the damn thing!
2. Nightmare - cos of his genuine skill
1. Cat - he's finally made wiz!

Stay foolish people!

21st March 2000

Another rather foolish week in the world of MUD2. Apart from my trip to Plymouth over the weekend I've been watching you all. Apart from the usual childish responses to my bash report, overall feeling on my writings appears to be good.

Now, Friday night was Armageddon for many players and the obit was full of kills from two opportunist pks. Wolfgang armed with a LS with Radiohead on the two-handed sword. Between them they bashed Rodny, Rocko (twice), Lassy and Pippin. Benny also lent his assistance but the hoodlums remain unhinged and still roam the land.

Yes, Moon has to be mentioned again. Moon is faltering at the top of the charts. Is it up to wiz, down to novice....or will he go the way of Ged and stay there forever. Only time will tell but Moon says "Nah Mank,im not going for wiz.Do you like Trance?". Oh Moon, you handsome devil. Actually, why am I saying this? Moon's dead!

Now Cora has been getting an earful this week and may I agree with the masses here and say it's up to the player regarding what they do with their characters, not some cocky lowlife scum scum scum. Now, Cora is a nice person who has never been nasty to anyone... oh wait... we have Maniac live by sattilite to bring us his views... "She chained me to a bed for 4 weeks. All I had to eat was Cheese Strings. I've been to hell and back. No Cora. I'm sorry...... put that down....... no..... not the whisk..... NOOO-------" Hehe

There is reported rivaly between a number of MUD players. On Sunday evening, Buford and Reverence asked the wizzes for a fight to the death. Luckily for them both, no wiz was on. Buford had cleverly summoned a giant to the hut which caused all manner of problems for players but reportedly Reverence cost Buford 20k but not long after Buford battered Khaos to death. Even I have become to arguments with players. Tsunami and I have been at odds for some time for reasons I shall not mention but I shall use his words.... "Once I get my keyboard fixed you're dead". Not only that but Tsunami also mocked Joey with incessant shouts of "Peg Leg". Lets hope he dont complain when Joey bashes him.

Now, I am moved to pity listening to Firefarters plees. We didnt get off on the right foot but we grew to be good friends. He beat me to the foot and touchstoned and died not more than a few minutes later after being attacked by Khaos and Troll. Bad luck mate.

Nows it's time for my top 5 players of the week:
5. Reverence - after killing Grimley the mage!
4. Wolfgang - killing many people!
3. Moon - playing with the world's highest bounty.
2. Rocko - for dieing twice and still coming back for more.
1. Elizabeth - for making warlock.

Well, I'll see ya all on the bash. Remember, vote Wdi for bash leader! [You better not...]

14th March 2000

Well it's been a relatively long week in mud and it's certainly had its ups and downs.

BT internet users should have noticed an improvement in the connection but it seems to be taking it's toll. Mud was down at least twice which caused many people to resort to actually going outside or reading a book. It was hell.

Anyway, enough babbling. The first bit of news was the accension of Foz to warlock. He seemed very happy with it but after questioning he promised not to be a tea room warlock and go into The Land. Hmmmm, we shall see Foz, we shall see. I aint seem him all week. Maybe he's resorted to making new personas.

Moon is taking The Land by storm by getting to 170k... that's if he hasnt died to the last couple of hours! However our potential next wiz got himself into hot camal urine when he attacked killed the resident Brocken. The gameplay.com forum arupted like a zit and soon insults were being traded like heroin. My view? Well, Brocken can't really have power over kit if he drops it. But, if Moon attacked Brocken he was in his right but if he IS wizrunning then this isnt the most responsible attitude to have. We shall see as time goes on but Moon seems to getting very little competition. We all wish him a lot of luck.

After missing a reset I bounded into the tea room and walked into a relatively new persona, Kojak, who was just bashed by Earth and friends. It wasn't 'til later that Earth, who turned out to be our old friend Reverence, fodded himself at Necromancer. Reverence also lost his Legend to TS. That is no way to die and i genuinely felt for him.

Also we have new high life persona. Grimley is here and he isn't going, mister! After a shaky start and a lucky ts at legend he was out and going for mage. He is reportably not a pk and has behaved on bashes. What a swell guy! Also,the handsome devil Crazyfool hasnt really attack anyone..honest. Well, in the last week anyway :).

Boggy has taken a turn for the better by ironically changing his prefix to sane....hmmmm. On the subject of prefixes we have a few new ones. Moon is now a mage of the stars while Reverence was of chaos. Wdi has taken the biscuit which seems quite Limp by getting the prefix "ruthless". He's soo sweet aint he lads?:) Come on ladies. Give it up for Wdi! As we reported last week Rocko had made Nec but is in fact dead. No-one knows how but last nights obit said it all: Rocko the superhero killed by the king dwarf.

Now here's my personal top 5:

5. Reverence - So unlucky. He got all the kit two sets and on both occasions it reseted early :(
4. Grimley - Hes such a nice guy. He fights off pks like I fight off bees!
3.Wdi - He's only in it so I stay in good favour with the editor...
2. Buford - Dispite abuse and threats of castration he keeps bouncing back!
1. Moon-Hes always on top. I know. Hes such a cool guy!

Quick news: Tsunami fodded himself the other night. It's not my fault; I dont know why he did it. He's already back to Necromancer. Keep going!

Well thats all fools!
Good luck!

7th March 2000

Well this is the first of many mad looks at whats crazy in The Land.

The main news being the introduction of BT's 0800 access. This has already caused a massive influx of players into The Land. So, many of the wizzes decided to liven up The Land with a host of Sorcerer Wars! Believe me.

Anyone typing obit over the weekend had a long wait ahead of them. This, along with the pathetic attempts of certain less able players who continually lagged up the game by trying to kill the giants with a string of protectors.

Now onto the ever omniprescence of Benny. He's had more characters than I've had fine women of the east. Believe me, he's got more than you think. He leaves and you start talking about him... just watch the protector who just arrived. Next day he's a warlock. That's Benny. I could be Benny.

Wdi's had a mad week. One days he's a mage but after a fight with Eumio he's back to novice. But it takes more than crippling defeat (the pun!) to stop our Wdi! He's already back to warlock.

Cora has made her first warlock. And sources tell me she actually left the tearoom to do it. No joke. Also, after considerable attempts, Rocko is back to Necro. He finds time to play and write an ever amusing story. Wow! How does he do it without childishly moaning in the tearoom? I'll never know.

Reverence is back in The Land. After getting to warlock he died to the Vampire in unmitigated circumstances. Luckily this was dispatched by Joey, Kojak and friends.

Firefarter continues to surprise me by dieing and coming back like a MUD2 yo-yo. He's cool ain't he?

Now heres my personal best players for this issue. It's done on skill and madness.

5. Joey - he's so mean it's groovy
4. Olazabal - he dies but he keeps coming back!
3. Reverence - all round nice guy <gimme my money Rev>
2. Wdi - he just doesnt stop
1. Brocken - mortal fods, bullying and gobbos just cant stop this guy.
Keep going mate!

Well that's it. I await your saracastic response in the T room