“Your mission, should you choose to except it - and if you don’t you’ll get the FOD - is to find and recover Mud's most valued jewel. Yes, it has been ruthlessly stolen, and it’s your job, to get it back. We know of the location to 4 pieces of the jewel, once you recover each piece, you will receive part of a clue to the location of the 5th piece, when each clue is put together, then you will have to find the 5th piece. The locations of the first 4 pieces are, the dwarf realm, the evil wood, the cemetery, and on Dragon Island. The sake of Mud is riding on your success, and, good luck. This tape will self destruct in 5 seconds.”
Foz took out the tape and dunked it in Jasters tea, and it fizzled away.
“Oh thanks Foz, I’ll have to get another cup of tea now,” said Jaster, annoyed.
“So what do you think this most valued jewel is, and how much do you think it is worth?” asked Joey greedily.
BANG BANG “stupid thing”
“How would we know, we’ll have to find it, to find out, won’t we,” said Cora, “and no, you can’t swamp it!”
“WORK, or, or ELSE!”
“Ok then, who’s going where to find the first 4 pieces?” Zordell asked.
“PLLLLEEEAAAASEEE work, just a little bit!”
“Jaster what the hell are you doing over there?” Cloud asked.
Jaster said almost in tears “It won’t work, I can’t get any more tea”.
Everyone in the room, gasped.
“We’ll just have to get it fixed when we come back won’t we?” Rocko said.
Jaster was now in tears. “It’s ok Jaster” Rocko said trying to be comforting, “we all love the tea in here. I’ll tell you what, you go to dragon island and get the piece of the jewel from over there, you can even kill the dragon if you like, would you like that?”
“Thank you Rocko, I’ll do it. WHAT?! DRAGON ISLAND, ARE YOU CRAZY?” Jaster said, realising what he just agreed to do.
Cora cheered and said “Good on you Jaster going over there to take on the dragon, we’ll miss you, I mean we’ll erm, wish you, good luck”.
“Since you think it is so great of Jaster to go to dragon island, you and Maniac won’t mind going to the cemetery then, will you,” Wdi said, smiling evilly at Maniac.
Maniac looked at Wdi wide-eyed. “The, the, cem cem, cemetery?” he finally stuttered out.
“We’d LOVE to do it, wouldn’t we Maniac,” Cora said sternly to Maniac holding his hand. “Wouldn’t we!”
Maniac forced a smile to Cora and said “Yes, we’d love to go to the cem, cem...”
Cora kicked Maniac. “Cemetery” he finally added.
“What about the evil wood? We’ll need some, stupid, erm, I mean brave, volunteers to go in there and get out the jewel” Cora asked.
Nobody said anything.
Zordell stepped forward and asked seductively “Aren’t there any, brave, strong men, here, who would fight against this evil, I’d be most, grateful” - with that she added a smile.
“I’ll do it!” said Gowron
“No me, me!” said Wdi
“I want to do it,” demanded Foz.
All three of them growled at each other.
“Boys boys, please, all three of you can do it” said Zordell.
“Looks like it's Joey Zordell and Cloud for the dwarfs then” Rocko said, “I’ll just wait here, and erm, mend the tea machine!”
“Oh no Rocko, you're not getting out of it that easily, you going to fight against the dwarfs with us” Joey said.
“But they hate me, I mean, they really hate me those dwarfs” Rocko said, pleading.
“You're going!” Zordell said firmly, grabbing him by the scruff of the neck.
“Ok, I’m going, I’m going” Rocko said.

Rocko, Zordell, Cloud, and Joey, were hiding in the dwarf realm, watching one, unsuspecting, dwarf.
“He’s on his own” Rocko whispered. “I can’t see any other ones.”
“Where are the rest of them?” Zordell asked in a hushed voice.
“It could be a trap” Joey suggested.
“Don’t be daft” Cloud said loudly “Let's get him” he said standing up.
Cloud ran at the dwarf letting out a blood curdling war cry and they began to fight.
“Rocko, do you see what I see?” Zordell asked.
“What, oh you mean the six or so dwarfs that have just appeared from over there,” Rocko replied, “yes I see it, Zordell.”
Joey asked “Do you think we should help Cloud?”
Cloud screamed “HEEEELLLLLLLLPPP!”
“I think we should” Rocko replied.
The three of them stood up and ran into battle. They were now outnumbered two to one, and as soon as one dwarf fell another came to take its place. The battle went on for quiet a while until Joey asked, as he through a dwarf over his left shoulder, “Does anyone else think this was a trap?”
Zordell poked one in the eyes then kicked it in the head and said “A trap, no, don’t be daft, hey cloud.”
“How was I meant to know” Cloud said as he ran a pick though one's skull.
“Has anyone noticed?” Rocko asked “were actually starting to get down them, it’s four on four.”
The four of them stood in a line and looked over at the last four dwarfs.
The dwarfs looked at each other, then at the invaders. They shrugged and ran aggressively at the invaders.
“Don’t they ever give up?” Zordell asked.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” Rocko said, smiling.

Foz, Gowron, and Wdi, were standing just outside of the evil woods, preparing to go in.
“It’s, very, big” Foz said.
“Yes, very, big” Wdi added.
“Forget the size, it’s creepy” Gowron said.
“Yep” Foz and Wdi said in unison.
“We going in then?” Foz asked.
“You sure were ready?” Wdi asked.
“I think we have everything,” Gowron said.
Foz peered in. “It’s very dark in there” he said.
“That’s why I have these sticks to light,” Gowron said as he magically set the sticks alight, and gave one to Foz and Wdi.
Wdi smiled whirly and thanked him.
“So were going to go in then,” Foz asked once more.
“Nothing to stop us,” Wdi said.
They all took one step inside the evil wood. Feeling brave they took another. They smiled at each other. They started marching bravely into the evil wood, ready to vanquish any evil that would stand in their way. A wolf howled in the distance. They stopped. An owl called. They looked at each other.
“I think I hear someone calling me,” Foz said
“Me too,” Wdi added
“And me,” Gowron said.
They all turned to leave when suddenly a branch snapped behind them.
“AARRRGGGGGGHHHH” they all shouted as they went running away as fast as they could.

Cora and Maniac had just started their search of the cemetery. Maniac sat reading a book entitled “Fascinating facts about your local Cemetery”.
“Did you know there are more then 1000 dead bodies buried here?” Maniac asked. “You know, this place isn’t as scary as I thought, in fact, it’s nice and peaceful, isn’t it Cora? Cora?”
Cora wasn’t listening so Maniac put a hand on her shoulder. Cora screamed, turned around, saw Maniac, screamed again, then fainted.

Jaster was lost at sea, singing to keep his courage up.
“Row, row, row your boat, keeping my spirits high. When the dragon spots me here, I am going to die. Doh!”

Back in the dwarf realm, things were going well for the team.
“Could you give me a hand here, Joey” Cloud said “I’ve got my pick stuck in the king's back.”
Rocko returned to where the dead bodyies of the king and queen lay. “It’s not in there, where is this jewel?”
“Right” Zordell said “we’ve killed the dwarfs guarding the route here, and we’ve killed the king and queen, not to mention all the ones that were waiting outside, time for the treasure chamber guards then.”
The team made their way over to the treasure chamber and burst in. Inside, the room was covered in ore, and rings, and medals, of all kinds. Most of the treasure was held by the greedy dwarfs guarding it. The fight started, and the guards soon found themselves dropping the treasure all over the place. The guards were outnumbered four to three, and they were soon finished off.
“Are we just going to leave, all this gorgeous, valuable treasure, lying around here?” Joey asked.
“Joey, were after the most valued jewel in the land, the sake of mud is riding on our success, remember. I’m sure our reward will be ten fold the value of the treasure in here” Zordell said.
“Speaking of which, where is this most valued jewel, then?” Cloud asked.
They looked all around but found nothing out of the ordinary.
“There’s one set of guards left,” Joey said.
“Oh yes, of course” Rocko agreed “the surly-dwarfs, the hardest guards in the realm...”

Our heroes in the evil wood, meanwhile, were completely lost.
“It’s your fault” Foz said hitting Wdi.
“Is not, it’s yours” Wdi said hitting Foz.
“That doesn’t matter anymore,” Gowron said splitting them up “We have to find out where we are, and find that jewel.”
“Look” Foz said in a quiet voice, “get down, look over there.”
Wdi and Gowron looked where Foz was pointing. The vampire was examining a rather valuable looking object.
“That must be it” Gowron said.
“He’s alone, let’s jump him now” Wdi said being remarkably brave. “Sure he’s hard, but there’s only one of him, and three of us.”
“I like it” Foz said.
The three of them jumped out of the bushes together and charged on the vampire yelling war cries. The vampire was startled at first, but simply smiled at them, and faced them head on. The three of them were just about to reach the vampire when, the wraith came gliding up behind the vampire. The three of them stopped dead in their tracks, and said, in unison, “oh bugger!”

Meanwhile, in the cemetery...
“Do you need a cup of tea?” Maniac asked Cora gently.
“I didn’t faint” Cora said angrily “I fell, and then, I, decided to rest my eyes.”
“Ok, I believe you,” Maniac lied. “We're nearly at the centre now anyway, I think.”
“You think?” Cora asked.
“Well I’m not sure” maniac replied “when you fainted, I mean, fell over, I kind of lost which way we were going”
“You did what!” Cora said annoyed “You mean we're lost?!”
“If I’m right, the centre should be, aha, here we are” Maniac said proudly.
“You were lucky,” Cora said.
“Now all we have to do is...” Maniac started, but was cut off by the sudden appearance of a ghoul behind Cora. Cora got annoyed, thinking Maniac had forgotten what they had to do and said, “All we have to do is find the jewel, which the ghoul probably has, and if so, we will just kill him, erm, again, since he is already technically dead.”
“Easier said then done, little missy” the ghoul said and Cora spun around to see the ghoul standing there, holding a hatchet in one hand. Cora screamed, loudly.

Jaster had finally found himself on a peaceful island.
“Get the jewel,” Jaster muttered to himself, “just go to dragon’s island and get it, oh sure. I’m cold, I’m wet, I’m hungry and thirsty, I’ve had no one to talk with for ages now, and I REALLY need a cup of tea. On top of that, I’m talking to myself!” Jaster kicked a hard green log. “And where is this dragon anyway? I bet he’s eaten the jewel, it eats anything.” Jaster gulped. “Including people.”
Jaster sat on the log. It felt warm. Jaster was happy to finally feel warmth and put his hands down onto it to warm them up. It felt scaly. Jaster followed the log along with his eyes. The log got bigger, and bigger - it had four legs, and a big neck with a head on top, a very angry head on top.
“You're either some kind of log monster, or a dragon, aren’t you?” Jaster asked. The thing breathed fire at Jaster, but he dived out of the way, making it burn its own tail, making it even angrier. “Dragon it is then,” Jaster said, and asked “marshmallow?”

“Will you watch where your poking that short sword around” Zordell yelled at the dwarf holding it “you’ll poke someone’s eye out with it”.
All the others fighting, dwarfs included, stopped to look at Zordell and the one she was fighting. The dwarf looked frightened, but defiantly poked the sword at Zordell once more. “Right, that’s it you little freak” Zordell yelled, as she kicked the sword out of its hand, knocked the dwarf to the ground, jumped on top of it, and began pounding away at it. Everyone else looked at each other, shrugged, and resumed fighting. Joey picked up the short sword now on the ground, and they had soon finished up their fight. When the dust settled, Zordell was still there, pounding away at what was left of the dwarf on the ground. Rocko went over to Zordell and pulled her off.
“Woh girl,” Rocko said “I think it’s dead.”
Zordell stood up, straightened herself out, and gave it one last kick. Amongst the remains of one of the guards, Cloud found the first piece of the Jewel, and with it, a piece of paper with the first part of the clue on it. Cloud read it allowed: “It is in the”
“Is that it?” Rocko asked.
Cloud checked the paper thoroughly. “That’s all that it says.”
“Let’s hope the others have got all their pieces,” Joey said, “back to the tearoom then”.

In the evil wood, our brave men were not having the best of luck. Standing there, stock still, looking at the vampire and wraith which were smiling at them with glee. Foz asked, “Do you know something”.
“What?” Wdi asked.
“I hate vampires” Foz answered “I mean, I really hate them”
“Me too” Gowron said.
“And Wraiths” Wdi added.
“You know what I want to do to Vampires and Wraiths?” Foz asked.
“Kill them?” Gowron asked.
“Got it in one,” Foz said.
The three of them started to smile evilly at the vampire and wraith. The vampire and wraith started looking worried at each other, absolutely confused as to why these men weren’t afraid of them. The three men ran and dived at the vampire and wraith, and the fight commenced. It lasted a while, but the outcome was simple, the vampire and wraith fled for their 'lives', leaving everything behind, including the jewel. Wdi picked up the jewel, and read out loud the writing on the piece of paper with it: “tea room”.
“That’s a great idea,” Gowron said.
“No, it’s our piece of the clue, 'tea room'” Wdi said.
“Either way, that’s where were going next” Foz declared.

In the cemetery, the calm and peacefulness, has been broken, with a scream loud enough to wake the dead.
The ghoul was startled at the response of Cora. Sure he expected her to scream, but not quiet so loudly. While the ghoul was dazed, it dropped its hatchet. Maniac ran over and grabbed it. Cora got mad at being scared again, and hit the ghoul smack in the jaw. Maniac stood there, his jaw almost dropped to the ground, startled Cora followed through with a kick to the stomach, and that was followed by another punch across the head. Maniac wanted in on this fight, he’d come all this way after all, and he made a few strikes with the hatchet, finishing off what was left of the ghoul. After the ghoul was dead, Maniac found the jewel on it. Maniac picked it up, and read allowed the words written on the paper with it: “and under”.
“You what?” Cora asked
“That’s our piece of the clue, 'and under', I suppose it’ll make more sense with the other pieces. Lets go back to the tea room, I think we can both do with a cup of tea” Maniac suggested.
“I told you, I didn’t faint!” persisted Cora.

Over at the Dragon's Island, the fight was over. Jaster was enjoying roasted Dragon leg, and singing to himself.
“I killed the dragon, I killed the dragon, I’m alive and your dead. I’ll give you this though dragon, you taste delicious, a bit like chicken. Let's have a look at this jewel thing then.” Jaster wiped some of the dragon juice off the paper with the jewel, and read what was on it: “your nose.”
“Your nose? What kind of clue is that? Oh well, it was fun dragon, but I’ve gotta go.”

Back in the tearoom, their spirits high with their success, the team had completely forgotten about the jewel...
“Scared? No I wasn’t scared. I had a job to do, and that dragon was in my way. I knew I would succeed, never doubted it for a moment” Jaster said.
“You know something guys, I think we’ve forgotten about something” Cloud said.
“I know” Jaster said. “We’ve forgotten to get the tea machine mended, I haven’t had a cup of tea since Foz dunked the tape in the last cup.”
“The tape!” Rocko exclaimed.
“The Jewel!” Gowron added.
Cloud put the first piece down on the table; Gowron put down the second, Maniac the third, and Jaster the fourth.
“So what are the clues for the last piece then?” Wdi asked.
The pieces of paper were put together and Cora read them allowed. “It is in the tea room and under your nose”.
“So it’s in here somewhere,” Jaster said.
“But where?” Joey added.
“Under your nose” Rocko muttered.
“What goes under your nose in here?” Gowron asked
Everyone thought, and thought some more.
“A cup of tea!” Jaster said gleefully. “But we have none, since the tea machine suddenly stopped working.”
Everyone turned to look at the tea machine, and walked towards it.
“You don’t think,” Foz said.
“It couldn’t be,” Wdi added.
“One way to find out,” Joey said.
Jaster opened the lid on the tea machine. It was full of tea. He put his hand down deep into it and rummaged around. Suddenly he stopped. Yanking his arm out he shouted “I’ve got it!” Everyone cheered. Jaster passed the piece to Zordell, replaced the lid, and poured himself out a refreshing cup of tea.
“Ok then, let’s put it all together then,” Cloud said.
They walked over to the table and put it down with the other pieces.
Suddenly, the room started shaking, and before them appeared Cat the wizard and Karya the witch.
“Well done everyone,” Karya said “I knew you’d succeed!”
Cat whispered to Karya “Did you really?”
“Absolutely not. They're a complete bunch of fools,” Karya whispered back.
“I’ll take those” Cat said. Taking the pieces, he turned his back to everyone. Everyone was watching him. He fiddled and fumbled around abit. He put out his hand and a hammer suddenly appeared. He gave it a few blows with the hammer, and turned to everyone else triumphantly. “Here we are,” he said.
“A heart?” all the mortals said in unison.
“The most valued jewel in the land” Karya said
“The symbol of mud itself, love and companionship to your fellow man” Cat said.
Karya looked at Cat sharply.
“And woman” Cat added.
“I think we all need a cup of tea,” Maniac said sitting down.
“I didn’t faint!” Cora yelled at him.

Rocko, January 2000