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This is our news page, the most regularly updated section of the site, and written by Wdi. Aim to come back here as often as you can :). We aim to include anything of topical or current worth, and event information - such as bash reports. Oh, and don't forget to look at everything else on the site - you could even write to us if you have time...

Current: Rocko's (Not So Modern) MUD Life Pity the Fool    


Sunday 6th August 2000


Rocko has the dragon tell his part, in his latest MUD Life episode, available now, above.

Friday 4th August


3rd August Celebrity Bash Report, with The Competition (Eric!)

Just before Karya the dreamy Witch announced to us that pking was allowed in tonight's bash, I did a quick qw to see who there was an counted about 15 of us. Not a great amount really but more were to come.

As the reset started there was the mad-rush again, so I went for the staff and a bit of surface treasure to get me up to swordsman. Karya asked for votes on the bash-general, and it was between me, Snypster and Cora. I bowed out, saying I had to go somewhere (look, I'd make a crap general ok?) and so Snypster got it. After a quick chat, Snypster suggested to Karya that it would be good if we had a bonus for the highest personal obit, and she agreed to give 1k to the winner.

At this time I was wandering around taking out some of the smaller things, and the dove and a firefly or two were taken out as I grabbed a wafer for protection.

At this point I got bundled whist sleeping by a nasty ape, and Snypster came running in. At this point someone attacked him, but because he was invisible I couldn't help. I tried synning people to see who was invisible but by this time our glorious bash general had kicked the bucket, and from then ruled with an iron fist from the tea-room. I picked up Snyp's broadsword, and after wondering why his attacker hadn't picked it up, decided to avenge his death by taking out LOTS of mobiles.

After a quick skirmish at the pan view with a mean old dwarf who didn't seem to appreciate the friendly pat I'd given him on the head - with my staff - I met up with Valoth who wanted to stick together and kill so mobiles. I agreed and we met up with Darkheiach, Rocko and Niles and proceeded to wipe out the dwarfs. Messiah, Roadkill and an invisible Art the matriarch helped along the way and pretty soon the little bearded folk were all goners. Rocko was leading the obit me race at this point. The evil wood duo had been sorted out at this point, which was good.

After this, someone shouted for help with the ogre so me and Darkheiach ran off to assist, found no-one there and so killed the beast ourselves, at which point we split up and I trundled over to the Pagoda area to find Pacman and Aldric also having some ape trouble. Pacman finished them off and blitzed the pagoda whilst I rested for a while and regained my stamina. Karya shouted to everyone that whoever could find her and dunk her in the river would get 5k, and so shouts of "Karya can I speak to you for a minute please", "come to raps please Karya" and "All meet raps with Foz and summon her". Hmm, wonder what happened about that....

Five minutes later I was at the rapids with Messiah and Resilient (who was winning the obit me race by a mile because Rocko drowned) trying in vain to form a giant team when Mark (a fellow house member - scowl) came past and stole my broadsword. After minutes of fruitless searching I gave up and decided to take on the giants alone because no-one would help. Yes, I know I'm stupid but what the hell it was fun. I ran up behind the giant0 and kicked him and ran off again. I tried to do this again and again but he (she?) caught me and knocked my stam down to 6 at which point I fled and slept off my injuries under the appletree. The sv count was at 43 in about 40 minutes.

At this point everyone was screaming for Mark's blood as apparently he had turned pk with that bs :-).

Anyway, undeterred I was about to dive into the giants again when Roadkill stopped me and we decided to go invis before trying it. We went invis, stormed in and I ended up sleeping next to the giants on 3 stam after getting them both covered in wounds. Someone (who was that by the way?) invised me and encouraged me (not someone powerful either, just someone) and so I got to my feet and stood eye to knee with the beasts. Trying again to kill them, I obviously died (like, duh) and tried again. And died again. I gave it one last go, and stormed out of the tea-room after a quick cuppa with a large tea-room posse ;-)

With Rocko trying to organise his own team at the raps, and asking me to tell him when they were close to death (like, as if I was going to tell him that after I'd done all the hard work !), the cavalry arrived in the form of Jacobite and Aldric, who burst in and we took the giants out. After getting some t at the giant realm, and dealing with a few goblins, I locked myself in the house and rested up. We were down to 6 in 430 seconds with Art in the lead of the obit me race with 31 kills and 28 people (not including the wizzes obviously), when my computer hit me with the blue screen of death and I fetched. As far as I know, the basilisk and spider were among those left when I fetched...

[strangled cry as Eric passes out...]

Snypster crawls in to deliver the final blow-for-blow commentary!

"the gnomes had made two apes under the ring of stones, killed em,

two rats on isle, killed em,

shark1, jf, spider and a bee left at the end."



Andy "Mutley" Pandy has been voted out of BIG MUDDER.

This is because he deserves it, the scoundrel!

Tuesday 1st August


Muddled Times Issue 5 is out for for your viewing pleasure as of today.

It's very good - read it!

Sunday 30th July 2000

27th July Celebrity Bash Report, with Snypster

Well, the bash was going well, but then the Gnome King declared a day of rest, and all of his little workers went off down the pub. This left the sheep and cabbages to their own devices, and things got a little weird from then on. To stop this, the game decided to crash. I blame Oriley. He was the general at that point, so it's obviously his fault.

When the game recovered, things went off in exactly the same way as before. People ran around like headless chickens, killing things. And getting killed, as shown by Yaztromo the superhero, Hungover the cabalist, and Darkside the necromancer, paying a visit to a goblin. And Niles playing with an ape, as usual.

The dragon then roared, and the wolf howled, and I went to have a kip before I risked my dragon-slaying self at the touchstone. Getting bored with sleeping, I went for it, annoyingly lived, and then proceeded to become bash general by some strange freak of chance.

Olazabal promptly died to the touchstone, in protest.

I knew then we had to succeed, or I'd get the blame.

It seemed that many people had lost their motivation, whether this was because of the crash, or because I was general, will have to be seen.

Getting bored with running into walls, I decided I should kill some more stuff, and met up with a team that was just about to take on the keep, the first guardian of which I had removed earlier. The team at the ground floor consisted of... Zit, Quickstar, Tensai, Jesstar, Lewd, Oriley, Horus, Fluked and Astralasia. With all of them following, I sprinted up the stairs, and led us straight into combat with the Spectre. Then the Griffin. Then the Maiden. Making short work of them all.

The same team, or parts of, then legged it to the pagoda, removing the few mobiles still remaining there- the Tiger, the Giant snake, the Mongoose and Phoenix, and of course, the evil carp.

Sending in a guided nutter, one of the four giants was swiftly blown to little pieces of giant flesh. Leaving three more, having a party in a cave.

At this point, I had to reconnect, and so have no idea what happened for a few minutes. When I returned, 8 mobiles still lived- Three Giants, A shark, the spider, the skeleton0, the basilisk, and.... probably a gnome for all I know. At this point, I remembered Karya's offer to FOD three mobiles, due to the crash. Being general, and ignoring Vaevictis' cry of the genies, I asked for the giants to be put to rest. This happened, thanks to her magical mystical powers, and the gnome, or goblin, or whatever, was sent home, leaving a shark, the spider, and a skeleton to be removed.

The shark put up a bit of a fight, but I buried my longsword deep into it, as Wolfgang the Warlock prepared to summon the skeleton0. As it appeared, slightly startled, a mad protector jumped on the assembled team. You may know him, he goes by the name of Vaevictis.

After that little rush of free points, and the skeleton hitting the ground in pieces, everyone rushed off to kill the spider, which was again summoned by Wolfgang, and killed by the waiting hoard, adding a swift 3k to the scores of all.


Tuesday 25th July 2000

20th July Celebrity Bash Report, with Seamus

On a day when I thought that this would be a happy begining for BMA for myself, it proved to be (as one of my friends' sayings goes) a real hell bitch of a ride. It was also to be the day where a protector outwitted the magic user population.

After arriving and suffering 3 fetches in the space of 5 minutes, I waited inside the tearoom to be certain that I wouldn't fetch again once I stepped outside. Once this was sorted, I stepped outside into the ever-forgiving land and began bullying a couple of goblins inside the caves which had just forced Trouble to flee. I myself was close to kicking the bucket before Raistlin arrived to assist me in getting the final blow on the hideous figure which was goblin12.

While I was attempting to get some sleep, Dynamite the necro had a sampan full of 8 wafers and tried to confort the magical highlifes that may have been in the tearoom that he wouldn't attack them. He proved to be sincere of his word and the highlifes came out of hiding. There was a little pk trouble that had to be seen to as Decision was being attacked by Ljsilver to which Ljsilver was forced to flee when the house members arrived to back up their colleague.

Perfection our bash-general was organising the troups very and had taken it upon herself to tackle the sealife early as it would save problems later on when we may need to kill sealife and it is raining. Rocko, as per usual, lead a group into the dwarf realm to give the dwarfs something to groan about when they see Rocko - again! :)

Decision and myself decided to raid the top floors of the pagoda as per usual, the ghost put up no fight and the ape on the first floor was proving to be a right pain the rectal area. Being hit by Decision and costing him no stam and hitting me for all that he had (mutters). The next floor was one of the jammiest get out clauses I have had for ages. I went onto the next floor of the pagoda and attacked the phoenix, I was getting in loads of (1-10) hits in but I was getting hit for high amounts and Decision hadn't arrived to help me by then. Then, when my stamina hit 32, Decision finally arrived and gave the phoenix a couple of good hits and we had killed the winged firestarter. The mongoose was no problem either and was easily killed when I ate one of my power pills and told a very bad joke for which the mongoose was glad to die once the punchline was explained.

The next area that was being tackled was the keep, Darknight and McVities had already taken care of the wyvern and the spectre and our next job was to boot the hell out of the high hitting huffing griffin. As usual, Darknight showed how well he conserves his magic as he required a rest after casting about 10 spells before going invisible, however, he was actually easy to beat and a quick rest was needed before the merry maiden and her crazy crows were tackled. Decision had joined myself, McVities and Darknight as our conquest to take over the keep was completed with the mobiles being assimmilated and added to the collective. (sorry, getting a bit carried away there [coughs])

Then after my comment on how to conserve magic - I went to show that I am really just a big hypocrite (gg). After arranging to set up a giant team and everyone catching a cold, my attempts to blind all the giants failed and I lost my magic to which I stupidly decided to go for touchstone to get it back. Now I have known for a long time that I should never go for touchstone during a bash because there are so many people on, only a small amount of people help you and then you die. Guess what? Pacman the Sorcerer who was only 3k from necro died to the touchstone. Oh well, back the old drawing board then.

I quickly got back up to hero and was only 2.5k from superhero and we were very close to completing the bash. I got another kill on the board after I helped Rocko, Uncouf, Wilbur and Niles defeat the last remaining giant. There was only 3 mobiles left to kill in 12 minutes, the spider was defeated and then I went round all the corners of the land, including draggy isle to search for the last remaining mobiles. I arrived at the ring of stones to find it unusually closed but thought nothing of it. Was I gonna regret not getting someone to help open it. The bash then failed and it was found out that Dclxvi, who was sitting in the tearoom, had sbotaged the bash by catching the starfish and lobster and placing them benieth the ring of stones. And after the usual abuse Dclxvi was likely to recieve, the only thing I could do now was wait until next week and see if our luck changes.

Wednesday 19th July 2000

13th July Bash Report

Quite a bash. A bit laggy at the start, possibly contributing to the early death of Dronk the priest to two goblins. With thirty-five peeps active and, hopefully, willing... there was no bash general, but lots of dudes with attitude. Darklord was eventually elected our leader - it was his first time, and he was being a bit bossy :-).

In an upsetting way, the killing was slooow, perhaps to do with a creature termed by the majority as a 'revmort', whatever that might mean. Apparently a large number of peeps were sitting in the tearoom due to his/her/vis/its presence... Cries of intense woe and anguish were quashed by the honouring appearance of a large group of wizzes all appearing at once and without warning: mighty Joey, mighty Turrican and mighty Agrazag!

Later, bunches died to mobiles, and the slowness continued, assisted by a player known as Belzedar, a Vial Terrorist, who was threatening to resurrect a tasty selection of mobiles should he not receive a ransom demand! Basically, though, he and his friend mucked it up completely and no additional mobiles were released (there was, however, no organised defense plan from Darklord ready should Belzedar have been successful).

In spite of the earlier worrying performance we came to eight mobiles left with fifteen minutes remaining (8sv/15mins). Sea creatures and a few others were offed resulting in two mobiles left close to the auto-reset countdown... which then started... and... crash. The game had crashed.

All bash participants (and a few other people too :-) ) were compensated by the lovely dishing out of 1.5k at the start of the following reset.

Also to die during this mobile bash: Euphoria to the touchstone, and hordes of others who I didn't record properly. Sorry :-(.

Thursday 13th July 2000


Crazyfool has updated his column, but, being a cock-up, I have neglected to 'put it up'. Please read it: he worked really hard, on low pay and without hot water.

Saturday 8th July 2000


New website and client version (1.3.1) of MUD for Mortals is available at the new address of http://go.fast.to/M4M. A strange top ten for M4M users is available...


6th July Celebrity Bash Report, with "Anon"

Hmmmm, well, after Kazoo was nominated general, I had to admit my hopes dwindled a little but after a slow start we bashed mobiles like the dogs we were. Only one victim to the giants, that being Achiever, and really very little happened. Your average run-of-the-mill bash!

Tuesday 4th July 2000


This time around: Umbrarg... plus..! Team commands for teaming killers (hopefully), IGNORE commands for ignoring killers, portable beds for sleeping on the run from killers, container protection for defense against against killers, a JUGGLE command for juggling multi-lining killers.

AND: New nouns, syns, verbs, commands... BUT ALSO: Carving, malleting, less emphasis on the giant realm vegetable patches and a hot water bottle for Fleet. And a piano!! For more see GO NEW from the Option prompt (H for help).

This version change was released yesterday.


29th June Bash Report

Dclxvi was the general of choice... He lost his magic and died :-/.
It was dodgy towards the end...
...but we won, killing the swan and spider.

Saturday 24th June 2000


There are new updates from both Crazyfool (on the subjects of predetermination and wizzes) and Rocko (with 15 mil worth of special effects). Read them above.


22nd June Bash Report

A really, really active bash this Thursday. Having arrived late, I was greeted by the sight of around forty visible mortal players out there in The Land - surely a guaranteed victory! It looks even more certain when the mobile surviver count was already down to 100 after only twenty minutes! Holy, holey Snypster was in charge.

Getting in the way of the collective power trip were a few solo mobiles: Skeleton0 was having its own little party surrounded by bashers down the goblin realm's narrow steps (which is a 'tight' area), but was put to sleep by Poppit the superhero. And, following the revelation that we had over one whole hour to kill less than fifteen mobiles, a small group of goblins stumped another large group of bashers by refusing to move out of their living area...

The goblins, the sealife and a few other things were offed (4sv/50mins!) very efficiently. The last to fall was the spider, resulting in the 3k bonus for all. However, just before we won, a second game database opened! As soon as the bash bonus was dished out, off rushed a load of the players to the other database to start cleaning up the fresh reset. Joey the wizard arrived and tried to get everyone to quit (by asking politely!) but no-one seemed to be paying attention... :-)

15th June Celebrity Bash Report, with Anonymous

Well, the bash started at 9pm. After meeting my friend at the bar we began drinking. It seemed that I was going to get drunk again. Looking around we saw two fine-looking girls. After going over we soon returned with red faces and a limp. It seems girls of today just dont go for the old "why, is that a mirror in your pants" line. Anyway, we decided to call it a night and I arrived on the bash at 10pm. After killing a giant snake, basilisk, giant and the spider I made a nice 5.5k and passed out on my bed...

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